Have you ever wondered why there are no female cereal mascots? It's something that occurred to me the other day when I was shopping at the Clinton Hannaford.

Think about it...

Tony the Tiger? Male.

Toucan Sam? Male.

Cap'n Crunch? VERY male. A real man's man.

The Cheerios Bee? Maybe a little ambiguous, but I'd say male.

Even Franken Berry -- who's clad entirely in pink -- is a dude!!

Let's face it...

The cereal mascot industry is a very male-dominated industry.

Don't mistake me, I'm not offended. Nothing offends me, as I'm mostly dead inside. Rather, I'm more offended that women aren't more offended. How is this not a huge issue to them? Where are all those fiercely opinionated, trailblazing women ready to roll up their sleeves for social justice? Why are they silent on this? It's like they don't even care about equal cereal representation!

So, what's the solution? I don't think it's enough to create a fresh, female cereal mascot. That's gonna take too long to catch on. I'm proposing we make an existing mascot female. (Hey, it's 2023, don't pretend like that's too radical.)

So, the question becomes... what mascot do you turn female? Here's my pitch... give them Crackle. Why Crackle? It's simple: You don't even have to change the name. Crackle is pretty gender neutral. If anything, you might have to start pronouncing it Crack-elle, but I don't think that's too much of a leap. Just draw some eyelashes on them and they're good to go.

Oh, and for all you people who say "What about Pebbles on Fruity Pebbles? She's a chick!" Yes, but she's typically only found on the special edition boxes. She's not a staple cereal mascot.

C'mon, America. We can do better!