How the Deck is Stacked Against Men on Valentine’s Day

Fellow men, my heart goes out to you--at least the portion of that vital organ I can safely spare at this time of the year.

Valentine's Day often produces feelings of anxiety for guys. Trying to figure out the details--gifts, cards, dinner plans--can be a monumental task. And there's no way to spell monumental without M-E-N. Valentine's Day has turned into a 20 BILLION-DOLLAR business, all geared toward the emotions of the so-called "fairer sex." Let's face it: the deck is stacked against us. Let's examine the specifics.

Did you know there's an entire Valentine's WEEK? Probably created by someone named Hallmark or Hershey. But, it IS a real thing. The seven days of Valentine's Week are: Rose Day, Propose Day, Chocolate Day, Teddy Day, Promise Day, Hug Day and Kiss Day.

If that final one involves dudes in bizarre make-up, with electric guitars, playing "Rock and Roll All Nite," we might have a shot. But, really, seven days? We have a hard enough time nailing a single MOMENT, much less an entire week.

We often hear something like this from our significant others: I don't really care WHAT you do, as long as it appears there was thought and effort involved. Okay, sure. To quote our fellow male, Mr. Yoda: "There is no try." (Yoda IS a guy, right?)

There's also a dilemma in asking our significant others what they want for Valentine's Day. What, you had to ask? You should KNOW what I want. Or, you could just make a bold decision on our own and hope it's right. Yeah, nothing could possibly go wrong with either of these damned-if-you-do-and-damned-if-you-don't options.

Even raw data can be our enemy. According to results from a YouGov.com poll, a new survey found the #1 gift women want to receive for Valentine's Day this year is chocolate. But, of course, you have to make sure it's the CORRECT chocolate--milk, dark, semisweet, bittersweet, white, plain, filled with caramel, nuts or nougat, covering strawberries or bananas or pineapple, etc.

That same YouGov poll discovered the top five things women want are chocolate, a card, flowers, jewelry, and a massage or spa day. Just get all five, you can't fail.

Another survey from the grocery delivery folks at Instacart found 51% of adults would rather just stay at home for Valentine's dinner. And 53% of WOMEN think a clean house would be a beautiful turn-on as a lead-in to a Valentine's dinner at home.

So, gentlemen, start your vaccuums. Pay attention to subtle clues. Plan ahead. And cross your fingers.

Dave Coombs is approximately half of the award-winning and top-rated Beth & Dave morning show on Lite 98.7, and you can send him angry email here.