Dave Coombs' Sports Punch!

THE “DUMMY OF THE WEEK” CANDIDATES…

Werth

NUMBER ONE: Oprah, for crying like such a baby when she took the ALS Ice Water Challenge. Toughen up, sister!…NUMBER TWO: Nats’ outfielder Jayson Werth (inset), busted doing 105 MPH in a 55. Lame. Five more MPHs and he could’ve DOUBLED the speed limit. Go big or go home, dude!…NUMBER THREE: The Flyers’ organist, for playing “The Stripper” for female contestants playing the between-periods Shoot the Puck game in Philadelphia! Critics are up in arms, but there’s an easy fix: just make him play the theme from “American Gigolo” for the guys…Catch more from Dave Coombs on Twitter

THE “DUMMY OF THE WEEK” NOMINEES…

Dustin Johnson

NUMBER ONE: The football players at Air Force, for allegedly using roofies to take advantage of women sexually at a party! If we can’t get good behavior out of our service academy student-athletes, what chance is there for the kids at the big state school factories?…NUMBER TWO: Dustin Johnson (inset), golfer, cocaine and marijuana abuser. And now…home-wrecker! He’s making Tiger Woods look tame on his way to rehab…NUMBER THREE: Ria Buford, for trying to steal a car in Pittsburgh. A police car. With policemen in it. Don’t look now, Danica Patrick’s got competition!…Catch more from Dave Coombs on Twitter

THE “DUMMY OF THE WEEK” CANDIDATES…

stephen-a-smith-doesnt-believe-you-face

NUMBER ONE: Stephen A. Smith (inset), not just for his insensitive comments about the Ray Rice situation, but for deciding to jump from his cushy job at ESPN and accept a position on satellite radio. We turned him OFF whenever he came on air. Now we don’t have to worry about it anymore!…NUMBER TWO: The Colorado Rockies, for misspelling their star Troy Tulowitzki’s name on the commemorative shirts they handed out at the ballpark on a night in his honor! Wow, good luck to the Rockies’ employee who signed off on the art work for that!…NUMBER THREE: NFL owner Jim Irsay, for attempting to buy loyal fans at the Colts’ training camp by giving out $100 bills! Probably could spend the dough more wisely on another offensive weapon for Andrew Luck…Catch more from Dave Coombs on Twitter

THE “DUMMY OF THE WEEK” NOMINEES…

Adam-Jones-Bubble

NUMBER ONE: The heckler tossed out of the British Open for coughing in the middle of Rory McIlroy’s backswings. Think it’s possible the bookie who made the bet with McIlroy’s dad sent the dude to disrupt Rory on purpose? Regardless, these “tee-box screamers” need to go!…NUMBER TWO: Baltimore outfielder Adam Jones (inset), who forgot how many outs there were and cost the O’s a run on defense. Hey Adam, Yankees fans would like to thank you!…NUMBER THREE: The German soccer team, for damaging The World Cup trophy after partying a bit too hard. One one hand, it was only a replica. On the other hand, maybe there should be a more-fitting trophy for soccer’s biggest championship!…Catch more from Dave Coombs on Twitter

THE “DUMMY OF THE WEEK” CANDIDATES…

FIFA

NUMBER ONE: FIFA, governing body of soccer, for making the players trudge 8 billion stadium steps to receive their World Cup medals! AFTER they ran about 10 miles in the championship game! How about relocating the post-match ceremony TO FIELD LEVEL, FIFI? Or maybe rising from your comfy perches and climbing DOWN the stairs to greet the players?…NUMBER TWO: The New York Yankees’ fan suing the baseball team’s network for showing him asleep during a game. I smell a deal coming for that guy from Five Hour Energy Drink!…NUMBER THREE: The viewers of WENY-TV in Elmira, New York, for (as reported by Deadspin) complaining about the station’s decision to break away from coverage of the World Cup title match in order to provide tornado warnings! Wonder how much they’d complain if the station DIDN’T provide crucial warnings and their homes were blown apart?…Catch more from Dave Coombs on Twitter